he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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