Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
