remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
