I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
worst night to have a conscience
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
