vagina is talking i cant
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
