i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
