you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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