Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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