Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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