Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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