I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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