My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
