your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
