I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
