The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
