Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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