Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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