overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
