Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
