I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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