Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
