Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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