Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
