i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
