i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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