She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
