And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
