Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
