I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
