Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
