I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
