So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
