You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize