And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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