I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
