Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
