mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
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