so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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