He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
