I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
