OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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