she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
