So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
