She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
