U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
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So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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