I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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