so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
