Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
