i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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