You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
