Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
