sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
