woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
