why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
two words...techno handjob
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
