I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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