i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
