you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
