you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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