There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
