I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
