You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
