he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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