Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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