He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
