Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
