I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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