it's too hot outside to masturbate.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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