So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
