I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
