can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
